Connection is a Social Muscle: Exercise It
How to Strengthen Your Connection Through Practice
by Anne Marie Vivienne
A Reminder: exercise is good for your mental + physical health
You know that regular exercise is really good for you––especially in our Western sedentary lives. Our body needs to move in order to release all those yummy natural chemicals that stimulate our brains and moods: dopamine!
Plus, exercise reduces stress. The more we take on, the more we expect, the more we want, the more we have to work and the more we wear ourselves out and our bodies begin to slowly and consistently ooze cortisol, our fight-or-flight response chemical. This chemical is good in those rare situations where we’re actually in danger. However, most of us are giving ourselves a steady dose of cortisol which is wearing our bodies and brains down.
So we agree: exercise is really, really good for our brains and our bodies. It makes us happier, stronger, and healthier all around.
Human Connection Takes Regular Practice, Like Training for a Marathon
We are neurologically wired to connect to other people––just like we’re wired to need exercise. Our overall health depends not only on our physical exercise, but our relational exercise. When was the last time you really put effort and focus on strengthening any of the relationships in your life?
Maybe you practice date night with your partner once a week; maybe you practice showing up for all your nieces’ and nephews’ birthday parties; maybe you practice actively listening to your coworkers during their presentations. All of this is a really good start.
However, most of us could benefit from making a daily practice of connection. We don’t learn how to be real and vulnerable overnight, just like we couldn’t run a marathon without training.
The Benefits of Health Human Relations
In Wired to Connect, Amy Banks lists what physical benefits studies have uncovered related to people who have healthy human relationships:
• Better cardiovascular health
• Fewer cases of cancer
• Better health in midlife
• 340% fewer premature deaths from all causes
Banks goes on to say that,
“I’ve often thought we need a similarly strong message for adults about the poison of disconnection. Why don’t medical waiting rooms offer pamphlets marked with a skull and crossbones, with the words Social isolation can kill you in stark letters underneath? The evidence for the claim is certainly there. Maybe a clear message like that would temper our compulsive need to stand on our own two feet.
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Emotions Bind Us in Connection
When you feel loved, dopamine is released, just as if you had finished a really good run on a beautiful mountain trail. In addition, your brain recognizes another person’s happiness or sorrow and connects you––emotions are contagious. When you are willing to join in with another person in their happiness or sadness, you create healthy relationships that foster connection.
We survived as a human species because of this evolved ability to connect with our tribe. We can never really go it alone. If we are going to live long and healthy and happy lives, we’ve got to practice connection. Daily.